我变了？

不知不觉～一年了…证明了近两年的忙碌～也就是二十五岁后，一年只写一篇文～哈哈～一年没碰了，部落格～
我好像失去了当初的热诚～失去了勇气～失去了冲动～究竟是好事还是坏事？
每做一件事，都要沉思一凡，做不到决定，选择困难症越来越严重，记性越来越不好～好想回家～却埋怨该死的远距离～就好象没有尽头的路，还很长～也不清楚还有多少的挑战等着我～
记忆力衰退是让我感到最恐惧的事，每每对自己非常重要的事却在关键时刻忘得一干二净～好累…
我时时提醒自己，告诉自己，我比好多人更幸福，有家人，有能够诉苦的朋友与屋友，有一群大学时代的同学同事，有认识多过十年的朋友们，最重要有稳定的工作～但是，还是会有心累的时刻，看了之前的部落格，原来四月就是如此的难挨，漫长。
可能没有假期的关系吧，也可能开始忙碌了吧～也可能我…变了～面对一年比一年更有挑战性的工作以及孩子们，正能量真的越来越少了，有时候难得会怨几句，之后又要完成这些使命～也不像年轻时那个对任何事物充满好奇心的时候，现在只对未来抱着满满的不安～每天在和时间赛跑，偶尔偷偷懒，却好像犯了很大的罪般～人生，就是这么好玩，呵呵～
是我变了吗？还是环境在改变？制度在变？我………不开心～

喜事连连

不知该怎么形容～最近的却是工作以来最忙的时候了～忙～当然是因人而异的，所以，我只说这两年工作最忙的一次。
但，频频收到关系较好的闺蜜们的红炸弹！真的又惊又喜啊～惊的是，真的都来得太突然了，喜的是，真心替他们感到开心。有嫁到远远的，也有苦尽甘来的～这里只能献上我的小小祝福～
但是，想想自己曾定下的人生目标，二十五岁前嫁出去，看来是无望了～😂
现在～算农历，过了～阳历，还有九个月～所以，我还是一个人～一个人久了看到身边朋友开始找到幸福，有时也是觉得自己也渴望像她们一样，另一边又担心自己失去了一个人可以享受的自由，人，就是如此吧，永远不会满足。
哈哈～我的真爱？你在哪里？我等得花儿都谢了…🤔

人性丑恶

所谓，每个人都有优点缺点，好与坏~如果我们用好的方面评价一个人，自然看到他的优点，但，反面来说，我们就看到他的缺点~~~
当那缺点触碰了你的底线，那~~~他的好都会被遗忘~ 反而，你只会记住他的坏~~~
就像现实生活中的一些案件，凶杀案，绑架案，我们只看到犯法的人，犯罪的人的错，他们应该接受惩罚，法律的制裁，但，有时候发现原因后，他们真的犯了该死之罪吗？
是，危害了其他人的性命是一个不归路，但那个被害的~~~真的完全无罪？ 或许，他是间接危害凶手重要的人的那个人？他生前做了好多好多坏事？ 难道这一切，就因为他的死能被原谅？
再说一个例子，绑架案。。。受害者，某个富家子弟的孩子？ 那为什么会有这种事情的发生？会不会因为~~~在生意上太刻薄，没替其他人留下生路，而其他人只是一时之气，做了不该犯的错。。。。却令自己变得和那富商没什么两样的人~~~这又是谁的错？

我在想：为什么要帮助那些永远思想不成熟，不懂得感激的人？你凭什么资格得到我们的帮助？帮了反而被责怪。。。为什么永远不会替自己所说的话负责？继续用言语上责怪别人~~~
可以先想想自己到底做了什么事吗？
真心希望某人可以清醒，看清事实~~~~因为：你真的太过分了~~~~

时间

今晚喝了好浓的咖啡～注定～失眠了～
其实～只是想尝试…谁还记得我？当我是朋友…其实我有点低落～无助～所以需要倾诉的对象…听我说话的对象…想了想～翻了翻～电话簿里寥寥无几的号码～期待着他们的回复…你，有试过这种情况吗？只是单纯找个人聊聊天…然后～有人回复了～😁😁😁真心感谢她～～～肯陪陪我这个凄凉的“老处女”～哈哈…对…就这么简单～一年没见的朋友就这样见面了…
我一直记得一位朋友告诉我的…我：“不好意思问叻～万一他们都没空呢？他们不想出去呢？” 她：“你都没问～怎么知道他们没空？怎么知道他们忙？你问了～他们真的没空～那就没办法～可是他们也可能想赴约呢？可是，要开口问～才知道答案～你尝试了就可以了” 就是她的一句话～我开始较主动，积极～就算有时候没能让朋友们见面～那也有行得通的时候～所以，就让我主动吧～ 是啦，可能你们忙了，忘了，那我可以让你们记住～因为朋友，得来不易，我们懂得大家都有缺点，所以互相包容～
其实看奥运直播羽球赛也一样～说真的…其实刚开始有点失望想放弃的～就是本来约好却好像都无法赴约了…就剩下室友陪我～也是幸好有她～过后～电话一通一通到～他们还是赴约了～虽然迟了～却赶来～有的住的较远…却也一起过来…其实，心里有些小感动～虽然没说出口～我就是这样感性的…哈哈
其实我懂的…大家都很忙…又住的远…都是硬挤出时间配合…对于这点～就是朋友吧…都有心想联络感情…就像刚结束的五天假期…之前是没回家乡的…今年却觉得…虽然短短几天…坐巴士都花了两个半天了…可是能看看家人～陪陪他们～多累又怎样？ 晕车病又犯了…好久没这样了～所以坐长途巴士其实一整程我都想吐的…忍了又忍到家了～爸爸也说了…其实下次就坐飞机回来啦…我跟Hon去机场接你～～～可能你们觉得只是小事～幸福的你们都有人接的…懂我家庭状况的人就懂那句话的含义～～～我很感动～我爸爸凶凶的脾气也不好～人人怕他～人们口中可能他不是什么好人…可是他就是我爸爸～他为我默默付出很多～太多了～我妈妈也一样～用那瘦小的身体撑了我们一家…拼命工作～就算得到不公平的待遇…不回家～我怕那天一回家～两老都苍老了…我很怕那一天的到来…所以我想回家～
其次～一位接近三年没见的朋友回来度假～为了她～我当然要抽点时间见见他～谈了很多～原来可能我们没刻意联络～很很少通话…只是偶尔在微信发点信息～但，一点也不尴尬～就像大家说的一见如故吗？原谅我成语运用得不好…
所以，要拉近彼此的关系，就得争取时间～在那忙碌的时间抽出那微不足道的时间～采取那点主动～后果就会不同了…
写着写着，我又想家了～想姐姐的 baby,爸妈，弟弟，家乡的朋友…
看了最近口碑不错的韩国网络剧“一巴仙可能性” ,男主对女主说的一句话～看是普通，却贴心的一句话～“你不是很忙吗？为什么还会过来？不忙了？” “还是很忙，只是在那里抽点时间过来罢了” 当有人愿意抽点忙碌的时间见面，代表他重视你，不管是朋友还是情人… 受重视的感觉很好…
所以我可能看起来很闲空～我只是不表露我的忙而已～我也有忙得时候～但为了我重视的人～我会抽出时间～所以，事情永远不要只看表面～新鲜感～很快就会消失，当大家慢慢了解…每个人令人欢喜和厌恶的一面时，你能够包容彼此～那就是你重视那个人的存在～不管是朋友或情人～原谅我没情人，所以有时很难理解情人间是否也一样～
谢谢在我生命里包容我的所有人…我很珍惜你们…所以家人在我心中永远第一～朋友第二～偶像第三～情人？未知数～
好像离题了…
最后，花点时间给你重视的人吧！时间…大家都有～

Shit i feel ashame... really

Today.. i can't sleep... hard to fall asleep... it happened suddenly and i was helpless that time.. sit there and prayed... luckily... nothing bad happened...
So i would start from the beginning, how it happened..
I was supposed to drive my siblings to have a tea time... yeah.. and we found the place... but getting into the wrong side.. omg!!!shit!its a one way road.. and i can't drive reverse or in front.. and we found a place to park.. but its opposite side.. and this is the first time i was facing this kind of situation... omg... in my heart... don't know how nervous i am.... first time,still okay... and the cars... opps... wait a while and park for second time... but.. don't know how it happened... i was near to the car on my left...oh... and my car kissed it.... nothing strach... but i really had no idea how to fix this situation.... and my siblings not even knew the way to park... so my mind blank... helpless... stopped there and wait for the driver... hopefully could apologize to him or her... maybe had no choice but to strach his or her car... omg.. what should i do....

And then someone came.. i thought he was the driver and i kept apologized to him that tim...but hr said i better drove away before the owner knew it... so... but... i don't know how to fix the situation and i just asked for his help... yes... this is my second time askingsomeone stranger to help me... and... luckily he did it... without causing any damage to both car... oh... just luckily... wow.. i knew my mind was blank that time... i just kept saying thanks to him... haha... so awful....then... i really not dare to have dessert nearby... so we went somewhere further...sigh....

So... what i had learnt from it is don't even go or drive to a place you not really used to it at night... maybe met with the guy is my luck... but next time.. who knows what will happen...?
One more... although the world is really sick nowadays.. but there are also kind person in this world...
Just wanted to say thank you.. really thank you ....thank God!

Smtm5

Junoflo.. c jamm... bewhy....G2....jung sangsoo..... xitsuh.... who else?
Myungdo....^^
My favourite contestant so far...
Have you watch it?  Turn up!
C jamm became very strong in thus season...maybe he can win it? Who know?
I really like this show so much... the lyrics...rap...flow...the beat...i started watching the show since season 3 watching my favourite Iron won top 2...The song...still my favourite until now...Season 4 mino's fear....keep on playing and playing too   ....
So...who will be the winner this season...?

Travel-Singapore

Although i had been working at jb for more than a year...Today was my first time travelled to Singapore...We just walked around at Sentosa and having lots of memories there...
Next time...Taiwan or Korea?
I always thought that travel can make our mind relax..and you can forget every stressful moment in your life...it can also heal someone's heart sometimes...
Tried something different whole we are young...while we have the mood...♡♡♡
Okay...most important thing during your trip will be...pictures!!!
I took a lot of pictures for a whole day trip... Yes, sometimes a trip without wasting money would be worth with some meaningful photos...^^
I would like to share my photos during the trip^^

你。。。谜一般的人

好奇。。。还是好奇。。。对一个人的保鲜度不超过三天的我。。。对这谜一般的人好奇了，超过了保鲜期。。。我想告诉你，到现在没那勇气整理。只能够等。。。等我放弃的那一刻，我会说出一切吧。
我想说。。。我，不喜欢纠缠不清，不喜欢扭扭捏捏，所以，你是第一个我还想继续纠缠的。
我不喜欢的，毫不犹豫的放弃，不会在那边假装，也不会找代替品。。。所以，我能够如此忍耐，却任何明确的提示都没有也那么傻傻等待的，你是第一个。。。
我承认，我们有很多不同的看法，兴趣，我们根本就不一样。。。但，我却想进一步了解你。。。我对于自己有兴趣的，会毫不犹豫，毫无矜持，更不会将自己吊高来卖。。。用心接近你的每一步，是花了我最大的勇气。。。尽量让自己厚脸皮一些，只希望自己会拥有不一样的结果。。。
但，越来越接近那个线，那个自己心里的限期。。。
我，是不是该放弃了?

早安 晚安

看似简单道出的话。不同的人都会感觉到不同的意义。对你来说，可能只是随口说说，对其他人来说，那句随口说说可能就代表了很大的意义。。。
我的赌注，目前为止，不太顺利。可能我不太有经验吧! 自己好像无法好好经营一段感情。。。就这样，慢慢地，冷淡了。还有一星期的期限。我能度过吗?
我朋友说过，我是在感情路上举棋不定的人，在决定前都会犹豫一阵子，所以错过了。我不擅长等待。但，这次我等了。我对所有事物的新鲜感不超过三天，但我忍了好多时间。我对不回复我的人无条件放弃的，但我到现在都没放弃。。。我的要求很高，没条件，没事业，薪水没我高的我选择自己过活更好，但我停下了我的脚步。。。可能你并不知道你有多重要，更影响了我。。。我到现在都不清楚答案。。。但我想坚持，至少让你正面评价我。。。
有时候，我会觉得自己很傻，明知道有时候那态度是多么敷衍，我却耐心等待。。。
果然，女人很奇怪，放着简单的路不走，却选择一个没答案的路，让自己心伤。。。不能怪别人，只能怪自己选了这条路。。。
谁能够把我救出来啊?!

赌注

如果有一场永远没胜算的赌注~~~你敢放手一搏吗？ 我的答案~~~是，我会。虽然在不清楚的情况下开始一段赌注，但。。。我还是希望有一天我会是赢的一方~~~

在赌博当中，我觉得我最多只能拿回自己的投注，却不能够大胜一场。。。所以，我很怕万一大胆下注的结果不理想，会不会就此失望，绝望？ 就是这种思维，让我在下注时无法投入所有，永远都有所保留~~~现在，年纪大了，开始思考，后悔~~~~

这一次，无论友情、感情，我想再下注一把，敢敢下注，让自己不会再后悔。
无论未来发生了什么事，真心希望自己不会再做感到后悔的事~~~ 就算结果不理想，可能让我最后伤痕累累~~~但我要下注。。。。

感情的事就是这样，在互不了解的情况下认识，相知、交往。。。。你无法理智，不能保持在双方安全的水平，所以，你永远不知道谁是胜利者~~~ 那种不懂一切的事虽很刺激，当你拆穿它丑陋的一面时，却无法不感到伤感,绝望~~~我怕。。我很怕。。。但没有开始争取便害怕是胆小鬼的行为，我当了好多年的胆小鬼。。。这次想替自己争取一次了~~~

让自己主动一些，接近一些，付出一些，失败了，只能结束~~~可能会有意想不到的结果呢？

加油！嘉嘉！

I feel OLD

OLD.....I thought this word won't appear in my life, my dictionary...But after all the things happened in sudden, maybe something that people won't call it as burden, now became mine....How sad, I'm only 24, no...still 23 (my birthday is in December, hehe) How come such this thing happen to me?

Travel, all i want now is pack all the things and start my journey, anyplace, anywhere, just let me relax a while, don't think too much about it....

Songs...something always good in healing no matter what happen, i can't imagine one day without music....When i start feeling old, i listen back to all the songs i liked when i was young, younger...Actually feeling great when looking back all the things and i won't feel regret for everything i did in the past....chasing for stars, stay a night lining up only to buy tickets for them or Stay nearer even only 2 hours or less than it...

One thing i started feeling is after a long drive to Sunway Lagoon Surf Beach to catch up MTV World Stage 2015, it's Jason Derulo okay? but i gave up while waiting for him to perform on stage (please, really wait a long time okay, and those Indian guys started...OMG, tired plus scared so i gave up)...He was the last person performing on stage...So I only can watch him at the back...more fresh air, haha...Such a crazy day...Something funny was, when A Pink was performing on stage, those ARMY ...hahaha...shout like ARMY, chant like ARMY....Wow, that was the first time i watched a concert with guys,....many guys...haha...Even i couldn't hear my voice fan chanting for A Pink...Daebak! and my brother also in it...

Sharing some pictures during MTV World Stage here also...I miss the moment...Next year hopefully won't be any activities or courses please...tiring when driving along from JB to KL....and then rushing back after the concert...(Concert was from 7:00pm to 11:30pm, so great and having fun)

Waiting for the show to be started^^

It's A Pink^^

Selfie^^ Tired face...

梦想。。。

神奇。。。我看到小孩子的梦想。那与众不同的梦想~~~
 真心希望他能够实现梦想~~~~
老实说:喜欢做的，往往与能做的,所做的，有非常大的差别。小时候，我们都做喜欢做的。长大了，到了选择的阶段，我们会发现自己开始懂得区分喜欢做的和现实能做的，那个区分，造就了一个选择_未来的选择。好多人在这个交叉点选择了放弃梦想，回到现实。我也是。我现在的却不是在做我喜欢做的事。。。应该有很多人和我有相同的处境吧~~~
有时候真的很羡慕那些选择了梦想的人。就算可能不能够实现，到起码你做出了选择，你享受了那个过程~~~你得到的是多么的可贵。。。。
虽然我离梦想逐渐遥远。。。但我开始用不同的方式接近它，追求它~~~

Awkward or What?

Sometimes, you will fall into a situation, speechless, don't know what to do....confusing...and causing some awkward there...OMG..and i was in those kind of situation today....

I feel quite sad for making myself into such kind of situation, hopefully everything can replay this time, really....But time passed fast, and now tomorrow will be coming, soon, real soon...

P/S: Stop feeling like that, to me, myself....

Okay, first dinner with my colleague after eight months working at this place...Time passed fast, again.... Next time please don't like that again, Feeling down for this kind of situation...

But, still taking some photos...^^



Yeah...Red^^

Continue with my favourite topic, drama, Korean Drama ... Yes, watched back some old Korean Drama recently, "Lie to Me"...Feel nice tat main actor...If in real life have such that kind of man, wow,,,it will be awesome, really, please let me meet him soon! "Yong Pal" also a nice drama to watch, Joowon an d Kim Taehee done a really great job making the story touching and just nice...more mature love....


Stupid line runs slow....haih...made me can't even upload my picture....

Boring Day...Lucky?

I was wonder can i get some lucks in my life? People always said that don't believe in lucks, You should use more effort to prove that hardworking is the most important thing and it will always win over your luck. Talking about luck, maybe it just came when you didn't ever realise about it, and then it goes.... Shall i catch it or ignore it? It just a question when the luck coming in real.... And then, some people will always depend on the luck, and didn't ever try their best in every works, like me? Sometimes...

People also said sometimes what i predict, especially the worst thing will happen....So I can't easily speak out what my mind keeps on thinking, sometimes will become real...I don't want it to become real..

Actually feeling lazy recently, so wanna leave some words here...Guess what? I'm very weak in English, and now, i became an English teacher, OMG....So something we unexpected will always happen and that's called life...

Feeling happy for my sister who get offer from UKM, a quite good government university, and then her first choice, mass communication, maybe in the future she will become a well known script writer? Or journalist? Or host? Or just a simple jobs from IME Production? Wow, really feel happy for her and i will have a reason to run to KL then...haha^^

Watching "Oh My Ghost", korean drama starring by Park Boyoung, a well known korean actor with the guy main lead in "The Best Lee Sunsing" (IU)...Nice drama...it taught us to enjoy our live, live out our live, love as hard as we can while we still young, still alive.... Really feel sad for that ghost in the drama (Shin SoonAe).... She keeps working hard while she was alive for her family and didn't ever had her own time....She fell in love with the cops, but he murdered her...(She still can't remember about it) Now, she became a ghost and fell in love with the chef who didn't know who exactly she was....Only thought that she is Laa BoumSun... What will happen next when the guy knew the truth? Very speechless? Disapointed? She will leave him alone again, like others....OMG...so sad~~~

That's all for today, oh, i still busy and didn't have time to upload my memories during BigBang Made Tour in Malaysia...Will talk about it soon~~~

LOSER

i like the lyric in this song sooo much! it's touching...really....speaks out all inside our minds....

For example, GD's part:

Honestly, I’ve never fit in with the world
I was always alone
It’s been a long time since I’ve forgotten about love
I can’t listen to hopeful love songs anymore
You and me both
We’re just sad clowns, tamed and scripted
I’ve come too far
I’M COMING HOME
I wanna go back
To when I was young

I want to go back to young days too....sincerely....

Then TOP's part:

It’s a cycle of girls and mistakes
Love them for one night
And hate them when morning comes
Can’t own up to it
Because of my selfish pleasure
Everything is being ruined
Can’t stop this dangerous full speed run
Now I have no interest, no fun anymore
I’m standing alone at the edge of a cliff
I’m going home
I wanna go back
To how it was before

This is not what i think, i'm not that mature, hehe~~~

Taeyang and Daesung's part also my favourite, actually i like the whole lyrics~~~~
So please listen to this song....nice~

我~变得麻木了？我变了？

听着2ne1 的lonely。。。。开始写这一篇文章。。。。好久没有这样~一个人休息了。。。其实，在家里静静的享受，也蛮不错的。。。虽然会有点闷，那是当然的~

我好像渐渐失去了当初的热情、笑容。。。。不懂什么时候开始，很难信任人们讲的话，就好像所有人在背对我似的。。。。难道年龄越来越增长，人会越来越没安全感吗？
突然好想念在中学时期，还有在大学时期那段疯狂与热情~~~~
总是觉得人变得敏感~ 笑也变得尴尬~~~~ 不再单纯、自然~~~~

有一件事，我很好奇，到底，在茫茫人海中，谁注意到了我这个小人物？谁又能够记得我的存在？交情、关系，怎么好像变得泛泛之交~~~ 失去了长长久久的感情？或许，随着日子以及年龄的增长，我的门越来越狭窄，能够进来的人，变得寥寥无几~~~~~ 好想念能够与我随时疯狂，说走就走的朋友们，但是工作，始终令我们不再像当初一样，也随着岁月，渐渐收敛了~~~~

接近25的我，却还是未能够为梦想踏出一步，反而渐渐地后退~~~~ 想念以前的自己了，彭嘉嘉？你在哪里？我好像找回那个自己，可以吗？

我，变得麻木了，开始不再介意与理会人情事物， 那也并不代表“你们”可以骑到我头上来的~~~ 机的朋友说过：以前的你，对所有事，无论说出来有任何影响，你都会说出来~~~但，现在的你，所有事都在嘴里面，却在表达前吞回进去，人也变了~~~  可能，自己心里知道，我们都不小了，说出来也没用，没有人会正视问题的存在，只会让你越描越黑。。。。因为，大家都有自己的主见，并认为自己是对的，那，说出来是不是多此一举？

虽然在人情事物面对一些问题，我还是相信，自己终有一天会克服的！

开心的是，我没忘了宠自己，让自己活得开心~~~~ 对，我不可以忘记娱乐自己~
所以，真心希望这次再次去闯一闯，开开心心的玩乐~~~ 算了，什么都不要管了，人，要往前看~~~ BB， 好想你们哦。。。。想念3年前那个令我疯狂的夜晚，令我爱上你们，痴痴等待你们到现在~~~~ 我，不管有多累，一定要去看。。。。说声： Long time no see!

唉。。。最近叹息的次数一直在增加，你们也一样对吧？工作很难对吗？告诉自己：就这样混过吧，不是混了那么多年了吗？ 怎么会有没挑战的人生？闭上眼睛，伸呼吸，世界多美好！地球还在转，心爱的人还在！为了他们，还是要撑下去！加油！

p/s：想谈恋爱了。。。。但为什么没对象？

好想无视,但做不到~

其实早上已看到有关新闻,什么韩国团体非礼穆斯林女生的,又是马来西亚! 为什么要让我们马来西亚的kpop迷变得那么抬不起头,丢脸? 你们这样做又何必呢? 每个人都有自己喜欢,想达成的梦想, 想做的事, 所以言论也因人而异....

看到所谓的fanservice(不知多少人梦寐以求的抱抱,波波) 竟被讲成是非礼,大叔,你的脑有问题吗? 读太多书变笨蛋吗? 这是付钱入场的fanmeeting,竟然演变成这种局面?!! 严重无言....
女的，就不想讲多多了，毕竟我们都懂，肯定征求她们同意了，这种福利根本就小事一桩。。。其他场合也一样的。。。只是对象随便？忘我？发hiao？为什么答应？

可能有些人觉得偶像来到一个国家得懂规则。。。用那么好的福利回馈粉丝却被讲到那么卑鄙。。。。haters，服了你们，看吧！ 当初的VIXX 现在混得多么的红！看来他们是不会再来了。。。。难道要逼我们买机票去别国家看吗？想让偶像感受我们的热情，我们国家的，也那么难吗？为什么一直一直都要跟我们过不去？！！！别说我是帮自己偶像讲话，你们的言论简直在批评所有kpop偶像， 什么？小白脸？ 脑残啊你们？！！！

告诉你们吧！假如他们要，不知多少愿意得到这样的“非礼”。。。要博得人民的尊重，先听听我们的心声吧！你们的一举一动又再让Malaysia Kpop 迷难堪了。。。开心吗？

假如你们令到我们也得不到福利，我恨死这个言论乱扯的国家了，别成为那个害群之马。。。还有，我很主观，所以本不想多加评论。。。但看到他们越扯越过分。。。你们越过线了，他们可以采取法律行动的~~~

为什么每次就只有我们国家有问题？
太阳：别挑云吞妹上台懂吗？？？

其实我~~~好怕~

随着时间逐渐消失，心里的恐惧感越来越增加~~~我好担心这样的我。。。。
我，本以为自己拥有好多谈笑风生、聊聊心事的朋友，现在，好像渐渐变成只有我。。。
我，本以为自己可以开心地笑，说我很满足，其实，只是在自欺欺人~
我，本以为对人家的言论置之不理，但，原来我是多么的介意人们的一字一句~
我，本以为已找到志同道合的朋友，但，开始觉得自己只是被利用的存在~
我，本以为只要不介意可以更开心，但，我现在很痛苦~~~
我，是独行侠，没有能够真正聊心事的朋友~~~~
好害怕自己现在那无助的感觉。。。。。
我该怎么办？

我真心对待所有人，真正把所有人当作朋友。。。。但，我发现，日子久了，我变成被遗留的那个。。。。

我累了，不想再主动，换来他人的不屑，又何必呢？ 我何曾未尝试过敞开心扉，只是。。。。。。好像没人愿意听从我心里真正想的是什么吧？

坚强够了，我也是有脆弱的时候~~~~

只是突然觉得很心烦而已~~~~ 因为，其实我心里一直那么想~~~~~

写了这个过后，算是倾诉了，所以，对这个恐惧感说再见了~~~~

遗憾？

五年半就这样接近尾声了~~~各种方式的叙别会，各种面对面试与考试的过程~~~我，终于踏上毕业的路了~~~ 老实说：开心，因为挨过了~~~ 伤心，要离开了~~~ 担心，在什么地方重新开始呢？~~~  压力，有了责任感这包袱了~~~~ 遗憾，有什么遗憾？ 说来，其实遗憾也蛮多的，没有和好感对象有过好好沟通的机会，没有大开眼界，认识更多的朋友~~~  没有真正和朋友们疯狂一番~~~~ 还有，没有接近离开离别的感觉~~~~  唉，写到这里，挺遗憾的，虽然尝试过许许多多疯狂的旅程，吃在这儿吃不完的美食，唱永远唱不完的K哥，逛永远买不完的衣服、用品。。。。但是，人都是难于满足于现状的生物，所以，难得会留下一点点的遗憾。。。

看回几年前写过的愿望单，大约大大小小的事物我都成功完成了~~~
但，还是留有一点点遗憾，有了这些遗憾，让我更加有理想，更加有勇气，更加想将所希望的事情完成一番。。。。比如：和家人旅行，简单的愿望，却拖了那么多年还没有完成，我们手头上都有做不完的工作，这就是一个遗憾~~~

再回想起来，五年半以来经历了不同的，各式各样的人情事物，开始觉得人类是善变、冲动、难以信任还有多种复杂情感的生物，包括我~~~~
经历了这些事物，思想成熟了很多，同时心门越来越狭窄，开始不懂什么话该说，什么时候说些什么话，说什么才不被讽刺、伤害，怎么说才能够不被针对，现在想起，也难怪一些说话较直接的朋友怎么变得更小心翼翼。。。。不是我们变了，而是我们为了适应生活而改变~~~  现在，再也没有坚持主见这种东西，因为人们只选择听从他们想听到的话，相反地，当听见难听的话，他们就算一笑而过，心里难免会留下一个刺，从此警告自己不再发言，因为害怕那颗刺越刺越深。。。。就算心里数值多好，也会被刺激吧！

现实，就是如此的恐怖、残忍，不知什么时候因为一些小动作，你，会失去眼前的一切，只有忠于自己，别让自己受伤害，其实也不会很自私吧？
我说过：我有付出努力！ 但曾听见有人说：这就是你最好的努力吗？
是的，没有付出，所以也不指望拥有什么，因为，无论怎么说，我还是得到好多好多了~~~~
要说遗憾，就是自己没尽全力~~~ 所以，落后了~

这个地方，带来许许多多的回忆，我们，又长大了~~~~ 懂得包容与面对~~~~ 但是，这样的我，幸福吗？ 有时候会这样问自己。。。。我，幸福吗？？？ 这样活下去，我开心吗？
好久没问自己的心理感受了。。。。。乐观的我，去哪里了？ 开始有点担心了吗？因为长大了？ 好想跑下一切，过无忧无虑的生活，但理想与梦想终究在起床时就消失了。。。。问世界上的人们，有多少人已实现梦想了？ 活着，就代表有机会实现吧！不开心，只会让自己过得更遗憾。。。。这就是人生~~~~

听着喜欢的音乐，看着自己喜欢的节目，吃自己喜欢的食物，对着电脑荧幕哈哈大笑的生活，随着毕业了，应该也会渐渐减少吧！那些时候，我真心觉得很开心。。。。

我，得替自己设定过后的生活吧！ 希望五年后的自己（二十八岁了）看了这个梦想单时，会发现自己已经完成它了~~~ 五年后，我还会关注这儿吗？

梦想单：
1。让家人过得幸福快乐，弟弟能够顺利进大学~
2。与家人去韩国旅行，包括大姐与baby~~~
3。认识真正爱我的人，谈一场轰轰烈烈的恋爱~
4。结婚~~~ （虽然好难想象）
5。与一群朋友背包旅行，疯狂玩一番~
6。参加同班同学的婚礼~
7。 得空时，与VIP，Inspirit 一起出来喝茶，做善事~
8。开一间托儿所，或幼儿园，与家人一块儿经营~
9。与自己喜欢的歌手碰面，拍照或握手~
10。拥有自己的房子与车~

在这十个愿望，我又能实现多少个呢？

Show Me the Money^^ Last...

Keep asking myself, since when i have interest in Hip Hop?
Ouch...finally Bobby won^^ Win Team B and IKon^^ Congrats again to Bobby...
Real hip hop? Sometimes feel confused and now, i really like hip hop....rap on stage and entertain the audience with some diss lyric? haha^^ Enjoy this show so much...This is some of my review about this show.
You can't forget some people's face, voice and lyric...
The first thing i love this show is because someone called IRON....or Junghunchul (i only know his real name during final round...YDG said that, haha^^) I love him so much^^ Even his voice and his reggae style..."Nice to nice to know ya, let's do it again...", i like his style of music in hip hop industry, i knew he almost become a member in Bangtan...Can't imagine he dance, really...His smile, and when he said "YDG no doubt" with smile face.....just love him so much!!! Arghhh....if i have chance to go travel in Korea, for sure i will go a underground hip hop concert!!! swear! So high.... Hopefully can listen to him live...especially the song "Venom"....The lyric talked about his early life...living a life like trash....won't repeat the life again, yes you won't, he is "东庙 swagger", IRON! so many things to say so i just use Chinese....haha^^
说到IRON， 真的真的，假如听了他说唱， 肯定被他迷倒，实力，外貌具备，可惜的是决胜局败给了Bobby。。。。i feel like, ouchhh....jinjia~~~haizzz... But he proved to everyone by now, his song during semi final topped korean music chart!!! arhhhh! I knew it will happen! I can't stop listening to his song when i on my way doing my assignment that day, just keep on repeating without getting bored....whole day i was listening the same song^^



The picture i did for Iron, hehe^^

I know i will keep watching him....Until he becomes the TOP! Who's the top, who's the top, who's the top?! ME!!!!!like he said...The lyric really nice....have a listen to his music, nice underground rapper...
So, my wishlist will add one more thing: Watching an underground music live!!! Rock and Hip Hop!

Second, i can't stop laughing when looking at my sister's favorite, GIRIBOY!!! haha..."24, 24, 24,24,.....", "pakkae pi hunda julu julu,pakae pi hunda julu julu,........." "Show me the money, show me the money,....", all just LOL!!! Yay, he's good, talented, have music sense....and cute, but....just feel everytime he performed just made me remind back his lyric...keep on repeating lyric...But, it's entertaining, just feel sad he always lose when facing C Jamm, but i like the way he didn't put any XXXX word inside his lyric, almost every contestants did it....

Third, of course YG IKon's B.I. and Bobby! i'm watching this show because of them, wanna see can they get through and also Tablo, Haru's apa^^ Yes, finally Bobby managed to win in final round, while he facing IRON(omo, my bias).... But they make the stage hot!!! Especially Bobby's "Ka(Go)", keep on replaying it too...hehe... "L4L" combining Dok2 and The Quiet, btw, the quiet really have a calm voice and i still remember in third round when Dok2 asked"When is your last time crying", he answered "When i was born"...hahaha!!! just laught out.... Don't you think is funny! Will talk about him later, back to Bobby "If u didn't know, now u know, baby baby..." that part just Epic! One more the song during semi final, "i'm back on the microphone...say hip hop!" also...keep on replaying, and final "Throw your fist and Bounce" nice lyric! Feel happy for him because he can use the money buy a house for his parents who's hard at USA....He's not rich, fly to Korea for his dream, bring his parents a better life, he can do it! and a 19 year old boy didn't meet his parents for 4 years because he can't afford a flight ticket... He deserved it, the money, best rapper, and the win! Looking forward for IKon's debut.... Talking about B.I., sad to see him actually always forgot his lyric which can become his phobia on stage...but great to see he get through it during his last stage "Be I"...sounds nice... And the episode when he forgot the lyric he will ran to the crowd....and shout something to Olltii (my favorite too^^), nice! just nice^^ "wanna step in me be better than me? or earn more money than my company?" haha^^ "Life is money, money is my tissue".... He's a cute boy at the backstage, when he get scold by Tablo, the face, like a young little boy....I know he will success...Work Hard!

Forth, Swings style, "NO!" and "FUXK" , "SHXT"....and more...hehe...I like his producer team with San E, both of them know how to play well in hip hop....and when they have different opinion also...Swings really like his JUST MUSIC people, Vasco, C Jamm and GIRIBoy, three of them made ti to top 6 too, nice! He also very emotional, when he cried for both his guy, C Jamm and Giriboy during 3rd round...Although Vasco and C Jamm both lose at semi final, but they earn respect! Salute! To Swings....When he perform nice! His expressions also very macho! The show will be bored without him...seriously...

Fifth, talking about face expression, i think about Olltii, young boy but mature rap style... He is unlucky....He is good also, especially acapella rap...(rap without background music), "Why need Team A and Team B, I can also be a winner even i'm alone", haha straight shooting our YG!  He also very cute, chubby face, and when he talked about"Dollmodel"...All just nice! Sad case when need to eliminate one frm him and Bobby, so he lose.... I can't forget his expression all the time, when others performed on stage, like when L4L, Bobby showed his charm to the audience (of course girl), he just...haha, throw something, shaking his head...I'm just OMG why you so cute! An emotional ICON from SMTM3.... Hopefully can watch him from underground music showcase too....

Sixth, YDG style, haha Shinmanbo! This one also can keep lisening, i'm just why? why YDG picked such a "strange" person? haha...Even all the producer off the light during second round...
YDG like him so much! But, he's unlucky when Vasco choose him, he said "As long i can show on TV right, shXt", haha...Entertaining also...But, his rap has his own style, actually, no bad...I ws laughing when thinking of his rap, not good, but attractive...haha....Manbo hwaiting ba! Have a drink with Swings already? When i watched back the producer's performance, wow, YDG! No wonder Iron choose him since beginning of the show....He had his own style, can watch his weird style from Running Man too...Actually i hate him when he didn't bother about Iron when during top 8...but when i realised he just wanna gave Iron a chance to try out producing music his own, just felt touched! He's Hip Hop GOD! "Hip Hop Saving Team"....

Seveth, that girl, Yukjidam, although she made many humilating thing, but everyone will remember her "Hip Hop mit dang neuo", haha^^Laughing again...But she will have a great future if she managed not to forget her lyrics....maybe she's still young? No experience...?

Eighth, "That's no no", Masta Wu! Just addicted to his word, that no no! Forgot lyric? that's no no! Pouring water to audience while doing mistake? that's no no! Singing rock on hip hop stage? that's no no! Ouch, just addicted.... He is that's no no hyung for the rappers^^ Even when B.I and Booby did ice bucket challenge, also nominated that's no no hyung^^ haha.... And Iron also imitate him, "that's no no~" Masta Wu, epic!

Ninth, Saying contestants who talked harsh words the most, C J A double M^^ this ain't shit, bitch i'm the shit, you ain't shit, i'm the shit bitch! wow, the song keep "pit pit" sound because of these...haha^^ Salute! Secy chic guy C Jamm....still young, sure will see him more in future... now my mind keep on playing his song "A Yo"..."what the fuck is going on bro?", wow... plus his sexy body, i wanna see him perform live too!!!

Reflash back SMTM3, i think of many funny things... TURN UP ! And i learned a lesson from the show, maybe we didn't expect anything in the beginning, just hopefully can reach some target, but when we climb higher and higher until the end, we will feel like, wow, can we just become the top? like Bobby and Iron, they actually didn't expect can reach final, like what Iron say, he just expect can stay until the producer 1st round....but he keep on made it to final....Yes, he felt like why don't we just win, for YDG? haha...This is something called human being... So is not our fault to having a target, or an aim for victory.... Just how you deal with it, work hard to win...just like that! So, i will always support those who want to do better... If we didn't aim something, will we reach the top? reach for a better place?

Like during school dyas, we always worked hard for getting a better result, so we can further our study, get degree....Without a hard work, can we do it? of course no! So, i will respect those always fight for themselves! Turn up! They deserved it, right? Now, we also fight for a posting place after we graduate....growing up, up and up! Climbing upper, upper and upper... So, don't blame people for working hard...Blame yourself not working too hard... Don't feel jealous for those having better result, because you didn't work harder than the person...Something i have learned from this programme...

Just so many things to write for this show...and i will stop here...if you wanna know more, watch it!
Show Me The Money 3! Once again, congrats to Bobby^^